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May 12, 2010

I am super bored and exhausted. Yesterday I was gripped with this heavy depression. I woke up today feeling better but almost manic in my energy. I really hate that. Maybe I am just bipolar? According to DD2 all women are. I bet DH would agree to that. I kind of would like to sew but am completely out of ideas. I think I have done all I wanted to at the moment. I need gas in the truck. Guess kids will be walking tomorrow.

I am not a good housewife or stay home mom. I dont like to cook, def hate cleaning, tired of changing diapers, not cool with all the bowing and scraping to the husband who gets to get away all day and be the “breadwinner” Super sick of being “mom” . I never get the house clean enough am not an organized person, forgets to buy milk, runs out of gas. I didnt want this for me.


Mother’s Day

May 10, 2010

my mothers day was a letdown. Many a moon ago, I had learned not to depend on others for my happiness. But then you get married and expect to have a partner to carry burdens with you. Not in my case. Apparently I married a kid. Some times I think my boys are more capable then he is in tolerating and helping. He cannot handle anything. Sometimes I just need a stronger man to help me. I cannot always be the strong one. I am tired of it. I have 5 little people expecting me to make things ok for them. Who makes it ok for me? I know he is the breadwinner and supports the family etc etc but who is there for me? If it wasnt for the moms group, I think I would have just crawled into a hole by now. Would he be there for me? What road to take? AND how can you be a complete Dick to me and then expect to get some? at least make me feel a little attractive and not just a release to YOUR lust. I cannot even get to the point of lust. Fucking ridiculous. Very frustrated by all. But as a wise woman just reminded me. Its all cycles. But the lows are more often then the highs. DH borrowed money to pay gas bill even tho I know we have the gas to pay it, but I guess it would detract from the beer fund?

Hump Day

May 6, 2010

Today DH stayed home from work. He says he is sick but I think that its because he doenst want to deal with the drama of what he has caused. I am not ok with him having lunch with his secretary, with or without another person there. According to him, i have insecurity issues because of it. BUT he knows that he has done wrong because he is seriously kissing ass. On an up note, DWM sent me a giftcard for deluxe pedi! Tomorrow has great promise!


May 3, 2010

I dont know what to do


May 3, 2010

we had ok sex.. and only because i busted him going to go eat lunch with bethany for the last 8 weeks; if you are hiding it and keeping a secret about another woman in a marriage it is an affair no matter wat you call it


April 29, 2010

Today is national mcdonald day, ok prob not but it is a good day. I love thursdays. I think monday and thursdays are my favorite. Ok so we did the deed last night. No major stars or explosions on my behalf. Which really sucks because I have to wait so long for it then its a complete let down. I roll over and go to sleepp cause its not even worth cuddling. What is wrong with me?

Good note is that my 2 teen sons both have ex girlfriends that are pregnant by other boys. thank god for luck or common sense!

April 29, 2010

parenting 101!