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All the tomorrows

May 16, 2010

I am hungry again. My cycles are off and I never know when I am gonna start. So that makes me a super unpleasant mommy and all around person. I am usually starving around this time and my carpal tunnel acts up. I wish it would just start so I could be finished with it already!

The boys are spending the night with their dad, my girls are asleep, DH is asleep and I sit here pondering food and a shower. Man my life is super exciting.

How much do you have to try to say you have done all you could. When do you know? Does some random person walk up and say….Hey I’ve been watching your life. I think you can just give up. It will be ok if you do. You can go on with your life and it will not shatter to a gajillion pieces. That you will be ok on all the tomorrows.

I am going to start scheduling sex. I read a blog about it. It makes perfectly good sense. It releases stress, alleviates bad moods, and makes you feel good. the best part of the is HE doesn’t need to know. It’s not like i am going to write it down on the calendar. SEX TONIGHT in sharpie. you know. But I need to get my marriage either back on track or over.

I constantly wonder how my husband can be so self centered. And why do I want to be married to someone who cannot see past himself. I think it is really the thing of not wanting to be alone and the kids. Ok I know he takes care of the bills, what about me? what about the kids, we dont really need to be “taken” care of but I just want some one interested a little bit of my life.
Today DH asked his mother who his half brother is.
IT pisses me off that he cannot get beyond the past and not appreciate what he does have. AND he doesnt consider what his mom might feel for him asking her questions like that? Why could he not ask his father? His father is the one who fucked around on his mom. Not his mother, she is a really good woman and puts up with a lot of bullshit. My husband is an insensitive bastard who only worries about himself. May none of my children EVER act like that. I cannot imagine what makes a person act that way…..

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