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Sad

April 26, 2010

I am super sad, I am sad that I have lost my best friend.  I am sad we dont have a good marriage.  I am sad that we arent happy together.  I am sad that I doubt he really loves me.  He does but not beyond himself.  I guess I thought he’d be a family man.  That he would enjoy having our family and wanting to bond and grow.  No, I was wrong.  He just wants to be alone.  Married and alone.  OR Married, without us and doing god knows what.  I am alone in this marriage.  I am so glad that my brother has been having us over on sundays.   I’d be so freakin broken without that weekly recharge.  And its nice to have help with the kids.  Tomorrow is monday and it will be a new and better day.

oh and……

DH was left alone ALL day, he slept till noon and we got home at 6.  He did not do ONE damn thing to help me.  NOT AT ALL.  not turn the dishwasher on, put the laundry up, pick up 1 toy, NOTHING.  again, i dont know what he DID do or with whom, but I do know it was nothing for my benefit. I want a marriage counselor.  How can this work?

Sex

We had sex today.  It was so so sex.  i would not have done it if I was more awake.  Sex is not a prize or something to do when “he” decides he wants it from me.  But I guess so.  stomp right over me and my feelings.  I cant just go and bang someone else because he doesnt feel like having sex with me.  I realized that today.   I will never have hot random sweaty monkey sex ever again.  How sad.  How depressing.

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